








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 83 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 53 matches | ||
| Premier | 41 matches | ||
| Wingman | 12 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1568 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,951 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2128 | 31% |
| Smokes | 1875 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1399 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1549 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $328,947 of utility $102 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 15 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Loopydoom | 82% | 17 |
| #2 | Spooge ッ | 70% | 10 |
| #3 | Muicello | 51% | 45 |
| #4 | BP | 49% | 49 |
| #5 | spangbab | 48% | 44 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | spangbab | 7 | 0.0074 |
| #2 | BP | 4 | 0.0038 |
| #3 | Muicello | 4 | 0.0043 |
| #4 | Concon | 4 | 0.0063 |
| #5 | Spooge ッ | 2 | 0.0114 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | spangbab | 243 | 0.26 | 6 min |
| #2 | BP | 71 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #3 | Muicello | 70 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #4 | Concon | 34 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | Loopydoom | 32 | 0.10 | 1 min |





