








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 297 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 51 matches | ||
| Premier | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1416 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,214 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1073 | 21% |
| Smokes | 1612 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1095 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 1434 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $360,043 of utility $144 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 346 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cata | 51% | 35 |
| #2 | shroomjak | 50% | 62 |
| #3 | mead | 45% | 42 |
| #4 | Convex | 43% | 74 |
| #5 | Monkerd | 35% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Convex | 43% | 74 |
| #5 | Monkerd | 35% | 17 |
| #6 | xo | 29% | 14 |
| #7 | BocchiTheAwp | 21% | 14 |
| #8 | >:3 AshesAwaken | 14% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BocchiTheAwp | 5 | 0.0175 |
| #2 | Convex | 4 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | shroomjak | 3 | 0.0023 |
| #4 | Cata | 3 | 0.0050 |
| #5 | Monkerd | 3 | 0.0108 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mead | 189 | 0.21 | 4 min |
| #2 | shroomjak | 126 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #3 | Cata | 112 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #4 | Convex | 71 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | xo | 52 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cata | +3.52 | 86 | 63 |
| #2 | shroomjak | +2.12 | 87 | 51 |
| #3 | nia | +1.01 | 86 | 63 |
| #4 | xo | +0.72 | 76 | 49 |
| #5 | mead | +0.14 | 76 | 54 |





