








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1065 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 431 matches | ||
| Faceit | 100 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 29 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6749 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 26,126 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7366 | 28% |
| Smokes | 7552 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 5400 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 5808 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $997,033 of utility $76 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 281 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tribesman | 89% | 36 |
| #2 | beavr | 71% | 59 |
| #3 | fwa | 70% | 91 |
| #4 | sourdough | 69% | 234 |
| #5 | el0NESY | 63% | 60 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Stritz | 62% | 99 |
| #8 | asdf | 58% | 74 |
| #9 | harrolds | 57% | 98 |
| #10 | sGod | 57% | 150 |
| #11 | man vs bat (gone wrong) | 50% | 46 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sourdough | 15 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | DAWG | 13 | 0.0123 |
| #3 | asdf | 10 | 0.0067 |
| #4 | sGod | 5 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | harrolds | 4 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sourdough | 943 | 0.19 | 25 min |
| #2 | sGod | 826 | 0.25 | 24 min |
| #3 | fwa | 389 | 0.20 | 9 min |
| #4 | harrolds | 354 | 0.17 | 7 min |
| #5 | asdf | 292 | 0.19 | 9 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stritz | +2.22 | 92 | 56 |
| #2 | sourdough | +2.15 | 79 | 66 |
| #3 | fwa | +1.97 | 88 | 60 |
| #4 | Tribesman | +1.73 | 80 | 64 |
| #5 | asdf | +1.61 | 84 | 62 |





