








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 100 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 126 matches | ||
| Premier | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2440 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,440 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2939 | 28% |
| Smokes | 3084 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 2543 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1874 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $188,237 of utility $43 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 67 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SANDWICH ♿ | 59% | 98 |
| #2 | Captain Obvious | 57% | 119 |
| #3 | Alpha Midget | 56% | 16 |
| #4 | Milky | 54% | 146 |
| #5 | Enigma | 54% | 135 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Alpha Midget | 56% | 16 |
| #4 | Milky | 54% | 146 |
| #5 | Enigma | 54% | 135 |
| #6 | CaptainCupcake | 50% | 102 |
| #7 | Maikel | 48% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SANDWICH ♿ | 7 | 0.0034 |
| #2 | Milky | 5 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | Captain Obvious | 3 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | Maikel | 2 | 0.0041 |
| #5 | Enigma | 1 | 0.0003 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Milky | 447 | 0.14 | 11 min |
| #2 | SANDWICH ♿ | 234 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #3 | Captain Obvious | 152 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #4 | CaptainCupcake | 115 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #5 | Enigma | 47 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Notfatdy | +3.43 | 66 | 76 |
| #2 | CaptainCupcake | +0.50 | 66 | 58 |
| #3 | Enigma | +0.13 | 65 | 52 |
| #4 | Milky | -0.87 | 49 | 72 |
| #5 | SANDWICH ♿ | -0.91 | 32 | 65 |





