








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 650 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 326 matches | ||
| Faceit | 149 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Renown | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 98 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3695 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 24,259 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6260 | 26% |
| Smokes | 6384 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 6430 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 5185 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,345,721 of utility $120 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 811 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BLz | 58% | 81 |
| #2 | Notfatdy | 54% | 146 |
| #3 | Captain Obvious | 53% | 281 |
| #4 | Andy :D | 51% | 277 |
| #5 | CaptainCupcake | 51% | 232 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | SANDWICH ♿ | 50% | 189 |
| #7 | Enigma | 48% | 249 |
| #8 | Waifu with a Raifu | 47% | 47 |
| #9 | Maikel | 45% | 78 |
| #10 | Alpha Midget | 44% | 64 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Andy :D | 30 | 0.0053 |
| #2 | Captain Obvious | 11 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | CaptainCupcake | 10 | 0.0020 |
| #4 | SANDWICH ♿ | 7 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | Maikel | 6 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Andy :D | 815 | 0.14 | 22 min |
| #2 | SANDWICH ♿ | 497 | 0.12 | 10 min |
| #3 | Notfatdy | 490 | 0.15 | 12 min |
| #4 | Captain Obvious | 424 | 0.07 | 10 min |
| #5 | BLz | 304 | 0.18 | 8 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Notfatdy | +3.53 | 68 | 77 |
| #2 | Andy :D | +3.06 | 66 | 76 |
| #3 | Waifu with a Raifu | +1.79 | 72 | 75 |
| #4 | CaptainCupcake | +0.16 | 61 | 58 |
| #5 | Enigma | -0.07 | 61 | 51 |





