








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 79 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 24 matches | ||
| Premier | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 6 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
459 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,881 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 130 | 7% |
| Smokes | 505 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 710 | 38% |
| Molotovs | 536 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $182,338 of utility $106 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Clint Beastwood | 48% | 71 |
| #2 | J-M-E | 47% | 73 |
| #3 | buffy the incel slayer | 44% | 36 |
| #4 | Admiral Onetap | 40% | 53 |
| #5 | Stuzy | 28% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Clint Beastwood | 48% | 71 |
| #2 | J-M-E | 47% | 73 |
| #3 | buffy the incel slayer | 44% | 36 |
| #4 | Admiral Onetap | 40% | 53 |
| #5 | Stuzy | 28% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | J-M-E | 2 | 0.0012 |
| #2 | Clint Beastwood | 2 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | Admiral Onetap | 2 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Admiral Onetap | 285 | 0.25 | 6 min |
| #2 | J-M-E | 69 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #3 | buffy the incel slayer | 68 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #4 | Clint Beastwood | 66 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | Stuzy | 4 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Clint Beastwood | +2.14 | 75 | 57 |
| #2 | J-M-E | +1.84 | 64 | 60 |
| #3 | buffy the incel slayer | +1.49 | 73 | 51 |
| #4 | Admiral Onetap | -1.77 | 48 | 60 |
| #5 | mike Prem2024Champions waddlebar | -3.59 | 23 | 39 |





