








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 571 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 112 matches | ||
| Faceit | 45 matches | ||
| Wingman | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2260 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,280 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 879 | 17% |
| Smokes | 2694 | 51% |
| HE Grenades | 768 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 939 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $269,631 of utility $56 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 62 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | J-M-E | 53% | 146 |
| #2 | buffy the incel slayer | 53% | 80 |
| #3 | Admiral Onetap | 48% | 106 |
| #4 | mike Prem2024Champions waddlebar | 48% | 71 |
| #5 | Stuzy | 42% | 83 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | J-M-E | 53% | 146 |
| #2 | buffy the incel slayer | 53% | 80 |
| #3 | Admiral Onetap | 48% | 106 |
| #4 | mike Prem2024Champions waddlebar | 48% | 71 |
| #5 | Stuzy | 42% | 83 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | J-M-E | 4 | 0.0013 |
| #2 | Stuzy | 3 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | Admiral Onetap | 2 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | buffy the incel slayer | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Admiral Onetap | 524 | 0.24 | 11 min |
| #2 | J-M-E | 146 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #3 | buffy the incel slayer | 121 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #4 | mike Prem2024Champions waddlebar | 23 | 0.01 | 1 min |
| #5 | Stuzy | 23 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Clint Beastwood | +2.99 | 79 | 55 |
| #2 | buffy the incel slayer | +1.76 | 76 | 51 |
| #3 | J-M-E | +1.36 | 58 | 61 |
| #4 | Admiral Onetap | -1.24 | 47 | 56 |
| #5 | mike Prem2024Champions waddlebar | -3.27 | 23 | 40 |





