








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 896 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 485 matches | ||
| Premier | 140 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 128 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7026 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 25,539 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7146 | 28% |
| Smokes | 7190 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 4064 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 7139 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,571,749 of utility $169 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 88 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | JustlikeLulu | 53% | 128 |
| #10 | KevinBill | 52% | 186 |
| #11 | 草莓奶昔 | 51% | 70 |
| #12 | shy | 51% | 154 |
| #13 | Faker | 45% | 60 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jean Bart | 5 | 0.0005 |
| #2 | Hymie | 5 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | KevinBill | 4 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | z_97 | 4 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | shy | 2 | 0.0006 |





