








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 444 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 131 matches | ||
| Premier | 77 matches | ||
| Wingman | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3066 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,785 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1586 | 18% |
| Smokes | 2389 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1918 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 2892 | 33% |
Our logs show you have wasted $410,214 of utility $74 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 92 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | KingPyroe | 48% | 33 |
| #8 | Bee | 48% | 54 |
| #9 | Nixs | 47% | 51 |
| #10 | Swarm | 41% | 17 |
| #11 | Sargent Gutta | 33% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nixs | 2 | 0.0018 |
| #2 | CeeJ | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #3 | Bee | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | no captai | 1 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | Voice | 1 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | burp | 178 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #2 | Nixs | 169 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #3 | Swarm | 131 | 0.32 | 3 min |
| #4 | no captai | 116 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #5 | Bee | 96 | 0.08 | 3 min |





