








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 29 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




56 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1987 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,774 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 912 | 19% |
| Smokes | 1839 | 39% |
| HE Grenades | 1210 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 813 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $572,026 of utility $123 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Puneslasher710 | 83% | 12 |
| #2 | ✩Ascend✩ | 57% | 72 |
| #3 | st0rmsyy ♡ | 53% | 79 |
| #4 | timmywalkemdownwitharpndswitches | 52% | 27 |
| #5 | Veteran | 51% | 82 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | st0rmsyy ♡ | 53% | 79 |
| #4 | timmywalkemdownwitharpndswitches | 52% | 27 |
| #5 | Veteran | 51% | 82 |
| #6 | taiga | 48% | 103 |
| #7 | egg ✮⋆˙ | 46% | 109 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✩Ascend✩ | 24 | 0.0172 |
| #2 | st0rmsyy ♡ | 21 | 0.0134 |
| #3 | taiga | 20 | 0.0096 |
| #4 | egg ✮⋆˙ | 12 | 0.0053 |
| #5 | timmywalkemdownwitharpndswitches | 12 | 0.0228 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | taiga | 244 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #2 | st0rmsyy ♡ | 239 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #3 | ✩Ascend✩ | 88 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #4 | egg ✮⋆˙ | 70 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #5 | Veteran | 66 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✩Ascend✩ | +3.38 | 86 | 55 |
| #2 | st0rmsyy ♡ | +2.77 | 63 | 49 |
| #3 | Baja Blast | +1.69 | 64 | 51 |
| #4 | Veteran | -0.68 | 57 | 26 |
| #5 | taiga | -1.06 | 50 | 49 |





