








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 328 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 62 matches | ||
| Premier | 61 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 26 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1386 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,445 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1989 | 31% |
| Smokes | 1506 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1375 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 1575 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $450,441 of utility $119 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 133 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Shmoogli Bear | 41% | 22 |
| #9 | Showtime | 41% | 22 |
| #10 | ☆ Playboi Kundi ☆ | 39% | 54 |
| #11 | rec0n | 31% | 13 |
| #12 | BIIRRDY | 30% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ☆ Playboi Kundi ☆ | 5 | 0.0044 |
| #2 | Chanco "John Pork" Magomedov | 4 | 0.0048 |
| #3 | streeter46 | 2 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | The Chosen Somali | 2 | 0.0045 |
| #5 | naBs | 1 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ☆ Playboi Kundi ☆ | 220 | 0.20 | 5 min |
| #2 | Chanco "John Pork" Magomedov | 183 | 0.22 | 5 min |
| #3 | streeter46 | 152 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #4 | naBs | 129 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #5 | Showtime | 85 | 0.17 | 2 min |





