








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 469 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 464 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 78 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 61 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 23 matches | ||
| Faceit | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 29 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




28 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8971 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 22,602 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5515 | 24% |
| Smokes | 6250 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 6315 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 4522 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,057,561 of utility $186 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 220 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kalifa | 67% | 46 |
| #2 | Kalifa | 67% | 64 |
| #3 | SHUU | 62% | 149 |
| #4 | CliffE | 62% | 68 |
| #5 | tridiumson | 60% | 124 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | RUTHLESS | 11 | 0.0010 |
| #2 | MOJO | 11 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | SecretNep | 6 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | SHUU | 5 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | Solo Q | 3 | 0.0005 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SecretNep | 1508 | 0.24 | 32 min |
| #2 | MOJO | 992 | 0.18 | 20 min |
| #3 | RUTHLESS | 810 | 0.07 | 13 min |
| #4 | SHUU | 393 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #5 | Solo Q | 326 | 0.05 | 5 min |





