








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 134 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 63 matches | ||
| Premier | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1688 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,151 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1029 | 25% |
| Smokes | 1393 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 782 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 947 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $238,069 of utility $94 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 5 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | birdo | 60% | 35 |
| #2 | hungben | 58% | 12 |
| #3 | YaboDuul | 57% | 7 |
| #4 | YourTypicalDegenerate | 57% | 7 |
| #5 | Yogic Mantra Energized Cow Dung | 56% | 50 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | 45° of tilt | 56% | 50 |
| #7 | Amazinga the Great | 56% | 43 |
| #8 | t0rtle | 53% | 17 |
| #9 | XtaSy | 50% | 6 |
| #10 | aGGroh | 50% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | birdo | 3 | 0.0042 |
| #2 | Amazinga the Great | 2 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | Yogic Mantra Energized Cow Dung | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | 45° of tilt | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #5 | aGGroh | 1 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Amazinga the Great | 205 | 0.23 | 6 min |
| #2 | birdo | 102 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #3 | 45° of tilt | 77 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #4 | t0rtle | 71 | 0.22 | 2 min |
| #5 | aGGroh | 66 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | t0rtle | +3.52 | 89 | 72 |
| #2 | 45° of tilt | +2.19 | 85 | 64 |
| #3 | kinglionleo | +1.90 | 86 | 62 |
| #4 | XtaSy | +1.78 | 73 | 74 |
| #5 | Amazinga the Great | -0.65 | 67 | 81 |





