








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 313 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 257 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 56 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 26 matches | ||
| Wingman | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 69 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




63 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4434 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,614 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5331 | 30% |
| Smokes | 5398 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 3741 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 3144 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $667,970 of utility $76 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2311 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chicken Joe | 83% | 24 |
| #2 | ohne Probleme | 60% | 45 |
| #3 | Rock | 57% | 44 |
| #4 | lance | 56% | 25 |
| #5 | Trainer | 52% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | ⁹ ᴷᴵᴷᴵ | 48% | 81 |
| #8 | Erthilvego | 47% | 108 |
| #9 | Lance | 44% | 61 |
| #10 | Gardox | 42% | 114 |
| #11 | Mockiii | 38% | 68 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mockiii | 6 | 0.0042 |
| #2 | Gardox | 4 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | Erthilvego | 4 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | ⁹ ᴷᴵᴷᴵ | 4 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | Lance | 3 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gardox | 310 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #2 | ⁹ ᴷᴵᴷᴵ | 227 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #3 | Mockiii | 127 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #4 | Rock | 112 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #5 | Erthilvego | 80 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chicken Joe | +2.85 | 94 | 26 |
| #2 | Mockiii | +2.66 | 91 | 48 |
| #3 | ๋ | +2.40 | 86 | 74 |
| #4 | Rock | +1.22 | 75 | 57 |
| #5 | Trainer | +1.15 | 63 | 69 |





