








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 78 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 24 matches | ||
| Esplay | 3 matches | 2,271 | |
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
414 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,032 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 220 | 21% |
| Smokes | 254 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 247 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 311 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $93,484 of utility $151 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 10 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Summa | 100% | 2 |
| #2 | Seqret | 83% | 6 |
| #3 | [VLG] Et Ulltæppe | 80% | 5 |
| #4 | tako | 80% | 5 |
| #5 | Яedly Яed暗赤色 | 67% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #13 | thomassen | 50% | 6 |
| #14 | zamee | 50% | 8 |
| #15 | hagmeister | 43% | 7 |
| #16 | daN | 33% | 3 |
| #17 | donksr | 33% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hagmeister | 1 | 0.0073 |
| #2 | Realyummy | 1 | 0.0149 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ZapR | 62 | 0.34 | 2 min |
| #2 | zamee | 51 | 0.32 | 1 min |
| #3 | Яedly Яed暗赤色 | 31 | 0.42 | 1 min |
| #4 | Seqret | 30 | 0.24 | 1 min |
| #5 | thomassen | 22 | 0.19 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Summa | +4.30 | 90 | 75 |
| #2 | samee | +2.57 | 77 | 53 |
| #3 | thomassen | +2.22 | 86 | 62 |
| #4 | [VLG] Et Ulltæppe | +2.22 | 94 | 55 |
| #5 | Brave ツ | +2.07 | 88 | 62 |





