








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 780 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 675 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 27 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




35 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6193 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 33,861 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 11954 | 35% |
| Smokes | 10501 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 5876 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 5530 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $632,561 of utility $39 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 61 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | prettypunaniamanda | 62% | 42 |
| #2 | deviant d | 55% | 145 |
| #3 | Ballsac | 52% | 93 |
| #4 | MassiveUnit | 49% | 493 |
| #5 | Uhhkilleaze | 48% | 91 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | deviant d | 55% | 145 |
| #3 | Ballsac | 52% | 93 |
| #4 | MassiveUnit | 49% | 493 |
| #5 | Uhhkilleaze | 48% | 91 |
| #6 | Angrboda | 48% | 85 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MassiveUnit | 38 | 0.0036 |
| #2 | deviant d | 13 | 0.0043 |
| #3 | Ballsac | 10 | 0.0050 |
| #4 | Uhhkilleaze | 5 | 0.0026 |
| #5 | Angrboda | 3 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MassiveUnit | 624 | 0.06 | 15 min |
| #2 | deviant d | 298 | 0.10 | 7 min |
| #3 | Ballsac | 251 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #4 | Uhhkilleaze | 236 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #5 | Angrboda | 93 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Uhhkilleaze | +2.74 | 74 | 59 |
| #2 | Ballsac | +2.54 | 67 | 58 |
| #3 | deviant d | +1.14 | 48 | 48 |
| #4 | Achillez | +0.30 | 61 | 67 |
| #5 | MassiveUnit | -0.54 | 54 | 53 |





