








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 128 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 124 matches | ||
| Faceit | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2430 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,868 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1284 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1638 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1784 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 1162 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $559,309 of utility $134 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 92 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ParadoXX | 56% | 70 |
| #2 | WilleX | 55% | 20 |
| #3 | WalZZor⭕⃤ | 53% | 30 |
| #4 | Dingus | 51% | 41 |
| #5 | kottN | 51% | 67 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | ♿JonaZan♿ | 44% | 27 |
| #12 | Tiltedbiffle | 43% | 21 |
| #13 | Darnihx | 43% | 28 |
| #14 | Wactok | 38% | 26 |
| #15 | Kloparn | 33% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kottN | 4 | 0.0028 |
| #2 | ♿JonaZan♿ | 3 | 0.0054 |
| #3 | Wactok | 3 | 0.0055 |
| #4 | Touch Me | 2 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | TOMMY | 2 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ParadoXX | 137 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #2 | Darnihx | 131 | 0.22 | 2 min |
| #3 | kottN | 109 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #4 | Tiltedbiffle | 104 | 0.23 | 3 min |
| #5 | WilleX | 98 | 0.22 | 3 min |





