








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 575 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 438 matches | ||
| Wingman | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 38 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




18 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4974 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 31,034 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7644 | 25% |
| Smokes | 11016 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 7374 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 5000 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $989,249 of utility $78 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 170 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AlphaByAceDrive mit TÜV | 49% | 45 |
| #2 | I like Turtles <3 | 49% | 542 |
| #3 | Fibreman | 49% | 263 |
| #4 | Ðallisan | 47% | 45 |
| #5 | Pate | 47% | 448 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | I like Turtles <3 | 49% | 542 |
| #3 | Fibreman | 49% | 263 |
| #4 | Ðallisan | 47% | 45 |
| #5 | Pate | 47% | 448 |
| #6 | Hedwig | 41% | 76 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | I like Turtles <3 | 18 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | Pate | 7 | 0.0007 |
| #3 | Fibreman | 3 | 0.0005 |
| #4 | Hedwig | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #5 | Ðallisan | 1 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | I like Turtles <3 | 774 | 0.07 | 21 min |
| #2 | Pate | 307 | 0.03 | 7 min |
| #3 | Fibreman | 236 | 0.04 | 6 min |
| #4 | AlphaByAceDrive mit TÜV | 106 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #5 | Hedwig | 86 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ðallisan | +3.28 | 64 | 38 |
| #2 | AlphaByAceDrive mit TÜV | +2.65 | 55 | 59 |
| #3 | I like Turtles <3 | +1.98 | 60 | 64 |
| #4 | Hedwig | +0.52 | 46 | 46 |
| #5 | Kodak | -0.22 | 50 | 66 |





