








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 330 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 417 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3429 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,306 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2002 | 18% |
| Smokes | 2861 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 4315 | 38% |
| Molotovs | 2128 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,727,045 of utility $142 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 12 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AlphaByAceDrive mit TÜV | 51% | 51 |
| #2 | Fibreman | 48% | 321 |
| #3 | I like Turtles <3 | 47% | 576 |
| #4 | Kodak | 47% | 448 |
| #5 | Ðallisan | 47% | 43 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | I like Turtles <3 | 16 | 0.0013 |
| #2 | Kodak | 11 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | Fibreman | 6 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | Hedwig | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #5 | Ðallisan | 1 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kodak | 1384 | 0.15 | 31 min |
| #2 | I like Turtles <3 | 823 | 0.07 | 22 min |
| #3 | Fibreman | 303 | 0.05 | 7 min |
| #4 | AlphaByAceDrive mit TÜV | 123 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #5 | Hedwig | 90 | 0.05 | 2 min |





