








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 207 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 280 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 28 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2823 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,042 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2414 | 20% |
| Smokes | 4665 | 39% |
| HE Grenades | 1909 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 3054 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $716,267 of utility $101 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 144 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Sped | 51% | 234 |
| #4 | Brett Smith | 51% | 151 |
| #5 | heewee | 50% | 26 |
| #6 | Ithereal21 | 50% | 90 |
| #7 | Mr Pussy Lips | 49% | 85 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chris Tucker | 12 | 0.0035 |
| #2 | Mr Pussy Lips | 9 | 0.0048 |
| #3 | Sped | 8 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | Brett Smith | 8 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | Ithereal21 | 2 | 0.0010 |





