








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1230 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 738 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 177 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 20 matches | ||
| Faceit | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 38 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




28 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
11876 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 50,117 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 16542 | 33% |
| Smokes | 14819 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 8349 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 10407 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,100,247 of utility $90 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 299 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cosmic | 56% | 128 |
| #2 | Swinty | 54% | 265 |
| #3 | Groovy Guy | 53% | 59 |
| #4 | Stagnant Alucard | 50% | 137 |
| #5 | dango ♡♡ | 47% | 121 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cosmic | 56% | 128 |
| #2 | Swinty | 54% | 265 |
| #3 | Groovy Guy | 53% | 59 |
| #4 | Stagnant Alucard | 50% | 137 |
| #5 | dango ♡♡ | 47% | 121 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Swinty | 9 | 0.0017 |
| #2 | Groovy Guy | 5 | 0.0042 |
| #3 | Cosmic | 4 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | Stagnant Alucard | 2 | 0.0007 |
| #5 | dango ♡♡ | 2 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Swinty | 358 | 0.07 | 10 min |
| #2 | dango ♡♡ | 196 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #3 | Groovy Guy | 167 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #4 | Stagnant Alucard | 148 | 0.05 | 5 min |
| #5 | Cosmic | 83 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cosmic | +3.74 | 91 | 42 |
| #2 | LKL | xtra | +0.96 | 78 | 77 |
| #3 | Groovy Guy | +0.36 | 59 | 66 |
| #4 | Swinty | +0.24 | 44 | 56 |
| #5 | Stagnant Alucard | -2.97 | 35 | 56 |





