








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 27 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 74 matches | ||
| Faceit | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1524 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,934 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1216 | 25% |
| Smokes | 1539 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 810 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 1369 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $547,071 of utility $161 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 82 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | MUTE | 48% | 97 |
| #8 | Bicdicbob | 48% | 31 |
| #9 | Puribi | 45% | 95 |
| #10 | LancerrR | 42% | 38 |
| #11 | bushido bill | 31% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pooni | 21 | 0.0113 |
| #2 | Apple | 5 | 0.0036 |
| #3 | MUTE | 4 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | Bicdicbob | 4 | 0.0060 |
| #5 | Puribi | 3 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Puribi | 362 | 0.18 | 9 min |
| #2 | Pooni | 301 | 0.16 | 7 min |
| #3 | Mango | 236 | 0.21 | 5 min |
| #4 | MUTE | 175 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #5 | LancerrR | 118 | 0.14 | 3 min |





