








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 40 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 22 matches | ||
| Premier | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
960 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,529 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1784 | 39% |
| Smokes | 1428 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 577 | 13% |
| Molotovs | 740 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $248,697 of utility $91 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 160 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | swan | 55% | 51 |
| #6 | Egg | 53% | 105 |
| #7 | nemaR | 50% | 38 |
| #8 | Steve McGraw | 38% | 13 |
| #9 | Chioatzu | 30% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Egg | 4 | 0.0018 |
| #2 | slapit | 3 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | Rudzy | 3 | 0.0029 |
| #4 | Chioatzu | 2 | 0.0095 |
| #5 | swan | 1 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | slapit | 287 | 0.22 | 7 min |
| #2 | swan | 234 | 0.21 | 5 min |
| #3 | Egg | 231 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #4 | Rudzy | 95 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #5 | nemaR | 56 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | swan | +3.88 | 84 | 65 |
| #2 | slapit | +2.41 | 86 | 64 |
| #3 | Egg | +1.77 | 89 | 54 |
| #4 | nemaR | -0.28 | 75 | 58 |
| #5 | Rudzy | -0.44 | 76 | 54 |





