








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 29 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 56 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1087 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,765 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1018 | 27% |
| Smokes | 696 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 1220 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 831 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $210,813 of utility $90 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 30 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 3D women olny bring pain | 80% | 10 |
| #2 | Pugpants | 71% | 7 |
| #3 | Phuqur | 69% | 13 |
| #4 | Huuntar | 67% | 6 |
| #5 | GlizzyGoat | 64% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tippins | 5 | 0.0037 |
| #2 | Washed PvpChad | 3 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | 3D women olny bring pain | 2 | 0.0098 |
| #4 | GlizzyGoat | 1 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | Lava Bucket | 1 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GlizzyGoat | +5.66 | 89 | 63 |
| #2 | Oni-Chan | +3.19 | 74 | 70 |
| #3 | 3D women olny bring pain | +2.84 | 63 | 47 |
| #4 | Berzerk | +2.82 | 74 | 61 |
| #5 | Phuqur | +0.74 | 55 | 52 |





