








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 261 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Esplay | 22 matches | 2,187 | |
| Wingman | 11 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
616 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,776 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 616 | 35% |
| Smokes | 389 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 394 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 377 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $201,991 of utility $168 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 381 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | -=AW=- | 83% | 6 |
| #2 | L1ND | 75% | 8 |
| #3 | noike | 75% | 8 |
| #4 | Chud Loser | 69% | 26 |
| #5 | BacH | 67% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Chud Loser | 69% | 26 |
| #5 | BacH | 67% | 9 |
| #6 | doku | 58% | 12 |
| #7 | frysepizza few | 57% | 7 |
| #8 | ✪ SH!va1337 | 56% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chud Loser | 9 | 0.0168 |
| #2 | noike | 1 | 0.0057 |
| #3 | -=AW=- | 1 | 0.0079 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chud Loser | 50 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #2 | L1ND | 30 | 0.21 | 1 min |
| #3 | doku | 29 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #4 | BacH | 26 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #5 | noike | 21 | 0.12 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | L1ND | +3.83 | 87 | 74 |
| #2 | frysepizza few | +3.67 | 87 | 66 |
| #3 | Chud Loser | +3.35 | 80 | 68 |
| #4 | BacH | +2.91 | 85 | 73 |
| #5 | -=AW=- | +2.58 | 97 | 57 |





