








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 333 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 205 matches | ||
| Premier | 28 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3103 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,318 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1901 | 20% |
| Smokes | 2369 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 2723 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 2325 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $905,313 of utility $154 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 231 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stenqvist ★ | 74% | 23 |
| #2 | Swooshi | 66% | 79 |
| #3 | vikkej | 60% | 138 |
| #4 | torsten ☆ | 58% | 88 |
| #5 | Harsann | 57% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | torsten ☆ | 58% | 88 |
| #5 | Harsann | 57% | 30 |
| #6 | MasterOogway420☑ | 55% | 198 |
| #7 | MamaMaestro | 54% | 182 |
| #8 | CroHap | 47% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MamaMaestro | 5 | 0.0013 |
| #2 | vikkej | 5 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | MasterOogway420☑ | 3 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | torsten ☆ | 3 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | Swooshi | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MasterOogway420☑ | 1061 | 0.24 | 33 min |
| #2 | vikkej | 565 | 0.19 | 13 min |
| #3 | MamaMaestro | 435 | 0.11 | 11 min |
| #4 | torsten ☆ | 242 | 0.12 | 7 min |
| #5 | Swooshi | 166 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MamaMaestro | +2.48 | 76 | 65 |
| #2 | Harsann | +1.57 | 87 | 43 |
| #3 | linglong | +1.23 | 75 | 59 |
| #4 | Swooshi | +0.89 | 74 | 55 |
| #5 | torsten ☆ | +0.64 | 72 | 65 |





