








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 775 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 444 matches | ||
| Faceit | 10 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 122 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




36 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4567 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,182 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5755 | 30% |
| Smokes | 5081 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 5043 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 3303 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,212,469 of utility $113 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1009 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Richard Jerkmann | 49% | 234 |
| #2 | Rabittz | 48% | 202 |
| #3 | dirtywibs | 47% | 282 |
| #4 | 3nymets3 | 46% | 173 |
| #5 | AmAtos | 45% | 194 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | 3nymets3 | 46% | 173 |
| #5 | AmAtos | 45% | 194 |
| #6 | MotherGoose | 44% | 310 |
| #7 | Xanman22 | 39% | 88 |
| #8 | Daddy Wet | 36% | 55 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MotherGoose | 8 | 0.0012 |
| #2 | dirtywibs | 7 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | Richard Jerkmann | 5 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | Rabittz | 5 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | AmAtos | 5 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 3nymets3 | 247 | 0.07 | 5 min |
| #2 | Rabittz | 220 | 0.05 | 5 min |
| #3 | Richard Jerkmann | 215 | 0.04 | 5 min |
| #4 | MotherGoose | 166 | 0.03 | 4 min |
| #5 | dirtywibs | 130 | 0.02 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dirtyhow | +4.03 | 72 | 64 |
| #2 | Richard Jerkmann | +1.31 | 54 | 50 |
| #3 | Rabittz | -0.04 | 41 | 49 |
| #4 | 3nymets3 | -0.24 | 39 | 59 |
| #5 | dirtywibs | -0.46 | 36 | 50 |





