








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 188 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 83 matches | ||
| Premier | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1201 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,750 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 747 | 20% |
| Smokes | 1125 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 1145 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 733 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $344,624 of utility $150 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 25 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kai | 88% | 17 |
| #2 | Jarmal (thekid) Jenkins | 87% | 15 |
| #3 | ✰⋆s | 84% | 77 |
| #4 | Mr Chips | 83% | 12 |
| #5 | mouse in baked beans | 80% | 66 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | bassbanger49 | 75% | 52 |
| #8 | Jaiteezy | 72% | 32 |
| #9 | dog nuts | 70% | 33 |
| #10 | RandomActs | 67% | 15 |
| #11 | xero | 55% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✰⋆s | 5 | 0.0034 |
| #2 | mouse in baked beans | 5 | 0.0039 |
| #3 | Pornosexual Goon Junkie | 4 | 0.0043 |
| #4 | bassbanger49 | 3 | 0.0028 |
| #5 | dog nuts | 3 | 0.0044 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✰⋆s | 296 | 0.20 | 8 min |
| #2 | mouse in baked beans | 115 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #3 | bassbanger49 | 89 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #4 | dog nuts | 71 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #5 | Jaiteezy | 48 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✰⋆s | +4.67 | 72 | 81 |
| #2 | lexx | +4.66 | 77 | 64 |
| #3 | Pornosexual Goon Junkie | +3.64 | 79 | 61 |
| #4 | RandomActs | +2.96 | 56 | 40 |
| #5 | kai | +2.15 | 69 | 41 |





