








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 7 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 90 matches | ||
| Premier | 68 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2062 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,919 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 802 | 14% |
| Smokes | 1837 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 2018 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 1262 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $532,562 of utility $122 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✰⋆s | 82% | 85 |
| #2 | Jarmal (thekid) Jenkins | 80% | 44 |
| #3 | lexx | 78% | 49 |
| #4 | Jaiteezy | 77% | 22 |
| #5 | xero | 74% | 61 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | dog nuts | 73% | 73 |
| #7 | Mr Chips | 71% | 34 |
| #8 | mouse in baked beans | 67% | 84 |
| #9 | kai | 65% | 51 |
| #10 | bassbanger49 | 62% | 53 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dog nuts | 11 | 0.0079 |
| #2 | ✰⋆s | 6 | 0.0037 |
| #3 | mouse in baked beans | 4 | 0.0025 |
| #4 | bassbanger49 | 3 | 0.0028 |
| #5 | Mr Chips | 3 | 0.0045 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✰⋆s | 320 | 0.20 | 9 min |
| #2 | mouse in baked beans | 202 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #3 | dog nuts | 180 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #4 | Mr Chips | 144 | 0.22 | 3 min |
| #5 | xero | 113 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✰⋆s | +4.60 | 73 | 79 |
| #2 | lexx | +4.51 | 80 | 59 |
| #3 | Pornosexual Goon Junkie | +3.12 | 79 | 58 |
| #4 | bassbanger49 | +0.50 | 62 | 58 |
| #5 | Jarmal (thekid) Jenkins | -0.00 | 74 | 44 |





