








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 869 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 412 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 78 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 53 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




27 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5056 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,497 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4503 | 24% |
| Smokes | 4847 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 5157 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 3990 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,453,171 of utility $124 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 944 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lexx | 75% | 52 |
| #2 | ✰⋆s | 74% | 69 |
| #3 | Jarmal (thekid) Jenkins | 66% | 59 |
| #4 | Pornosexual Goon Junkie | 62% | 53 |
| #5 | mouse in baked beans | 56% | 189 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | mouse in baked beans | 56% | 189 |
| #6 | Jaiteezy | 55% | 131 |
| #7 | Mr Chips | 53% | 96 |
| #8 | dog nuts | 52% | 73 |
| #9 | RandomActs | 50% | 233 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mouse in baked beans | 11 | 0.0028 |
| #2 | dog nuts | 9 | 0.0060 |
| #3 | RandomActs | 8 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | ✰⋆s | 5 | 0.0037 |
| #5 | Jarmal (thekid) Jenkins | 4 | 0.0033 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr Chips | 427 | 0.21 | 11 min |
| #2 | RandomActs | 403 | 0.08 | 10 min |
| #3 | mouse in baked beans | 338 | 0.09 | 8 min |
| #4 | ✰⋆s | 265 | 0.20 | 8 min |
| #5 | Jaiteezy | 188 | 0.07 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✰⋆s | +4.76 | 68 | 83 |
| #2 | lexx | +4.59 | 73 | 67 |
| #3 | Pornosexual Goon Junkie | +3.05 | 77 | 59 |
| #4 | bassbanger49 | +1.23 | 58 | 64 |
| #5 | Mr Chips | +0.18 | 42 | 66 |





