








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 49 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 84 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1593 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 865 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 89 | 10% |
| Smokes | 242 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 330 | 38% |
| Molotovs | 204 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $126,055 of utility $27 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Spoody | 53% | 110 |
| #2 | Lang in the Muck | 48% | 164 |
| #3 | m0nesy's cum stain | 48% | 111 |
| #4 | Kenny | 47% | 162 |
| #5 | pooperdydoop | 46% | 59 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kenny | 6 | 0.0018 |
| #2 | Lang in the Muck | 4 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | m0nesy's cum stain | 4 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | Spoody | 3 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | pooperdydoop | 1 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kenny | 536 | 0.16 | 13 min |
| #2 | m0nesy's cum stain | 403 | 0.18 | 10 min |
| #3 | Lang in the Muck | 299 | 0.09 | 8 min |
| #4 | Spoody | 258 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #5 | pooperdydoop | 66 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | m0nesy's cum stain | +0.83 | 65 | 64 |
| #2 | pumaballz | +0.62 | 65 | 13 |
| #3 | Spoody | +0.55 | 54 | 58 |
| #4 | Kenny | -0.28 | 67 | 59 |
| #5 | pooperdydoop | -0.35 | 51 | 48 |





