








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 201 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 101 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 93 matches | ||
| Premier | 78 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 18 matches | ||
| Faceit | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




22 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3961 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,813 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3871 | 26% |
| Smokes | 4279 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 3387 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 3276 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,215,886 of utility $117 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 34 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pooperdydoop | 55% | 55 |
| #2 | Lang in the Muck | 54% | 358 |
| #3 | Kenny | 53% | 352 |
| #4 | m0nesy's cum stain | 53% | 282 |
| #5 | pumaballz | 53% | 110 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kenny | 17 | 0.0024 |
| #2 | Lang in the Muck | 11 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | m0nesy's cum stain | 6 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | Dr. Backshots MD | 5 | 0.0061 |
| #5 | pumaballz | 3 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kenny | 1044 | 0.15 | 22 min |
| #2 | m0nesy's cum stain | 978 | 0.17 | 26 min |
| #3 | Lang in the Muck | 630 | 0.09 | 18 min |
| #4 | Je suis coach | 193 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #5 | Dr. Backshots MD | 109 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Spoody | +1.33 | 58 | 61 |
| #2 | m0nesy's cum stain | +1.02 | 66 | 65 |
| #3 | pumaballz | +0.87 | 62 | 12 |
| #4 | Kenny | +0.67 | 71 | 56 |
| #5 | pooperdydoop | +0.64 | 55 | 51 |





