








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 116 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 92 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 11 matches | ||
| Wingman | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1403 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,207 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1097 | 26% |
| Smokes | 973 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1028 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1109 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $541,759 of utility $133 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 41 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | El Foo best girl | 67% | 15 |
| #2 | Dean Gill Berry | 57% | 37 |
| #3 | Vicious | 55% | 78 |
| #4 | hirix | 55% | 133 |
| #5 | Stunna | 54% | 46 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Zachariah | 54% | 28 |
| #7 | Sketch | 51% | 70 |
| #8 | TarTarBits | 50% | 16 |
| #9 | Carti-kun | 48% | 63 |
| #10 | Anax | 44% | 50 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Carti-kun | 14 | 0.0119 |
| #2 | Sketch | 9 | 0.0068 |
| #3 | hirix | 5 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | Dean Gill Berry | 5 | 0.0065 |
| #5 | Anax | 4 | 0.0039 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hirix | 332 | 0.12 | 8 min |
| #2 | Sketch | 295 | 0.22 | 8 min |
| #3 | Vicious | 292 | 0.20 | 8 min |
| #4 | Anax | 253 | 0.25 | 6 min |
| #5 | Dean Gill Berry | 195 | 0.25 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | El Foo best girl | +3.50 | 93 | 34 |
| #2 | hirix | +3.30 | 88 | 52 |
| #3 | Dean Gill Berry | +2.89 | 93 | 62 |
| #4 | Anax | +2.08 | 86 | 59 |
| #5 | Sketch | +1.76 | 68 | 64 |





