








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 38 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 90 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2241 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,398 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2368 | 25% |
| Smokes | 2541 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 2076 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 2413 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $496,776 of utility $90 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | head0r | 42% | 105 |
| #8 | swatcher1 | 42% | 142 |
| #9 | Cookie | 40% | 48 |
| #10 | Colorteufel | 35% | 116 |
| #11 | R0biNbLy4t | 33% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | | 5 | 0.0022 |
| #2 | Colorteufel | 3 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | head0r | 3 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | ℝ𝕪𝕚𝕒𝕙 | 3 | 0.0076 |
| #5 | swatcher1 | 2 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | onkel | 227 | 0.17 | 7 min |
| #2 | swatcher1 | 209 | 0.07 | 6 min |
| #3 | Colorteufel | 191 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #4 | head0r | 170 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #5 | Cookie | 90 | 0.09 | 2 min |





