








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 21 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 177 matches | ||
| Premier | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




22 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2183 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,747 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2933 | 38% |
| Smokes | 2082 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1531 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1201 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $739,081 of utility $124 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 11 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ⌘ Morvo ⌘ | 56% | 34 |
| #2 | P E W P S A Q ®™ | 52% | 168 |
| #3 | Pympin | 48% | 21 |
| #4 | LIFΞLIИΞ | 47% | 19 |
| #5 | Ka | 47% | 51 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ka | 5 | 0.0050 |
| #2 | P E W P S A Q ®™ | 3 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | P E W P S A Q ®™ | 318 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #2 | Ka | 153 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #3 | Kitchen | 126 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #4 | ⌘ Morvo ⌘ | 108 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #5 | LIFΞLIИΞ | 88 | 0.22 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LIFΞLIИΞ | +2.96 | 77 | 47 |
| #2 | ⌘ Morvo ⌘ | +1.19 | 79 | 60 |
| #3 | P E W P S A Q ®™ | +0.29 | 63 | 43 |
| #4 | Seer | +0.21 | 81 | 45 |
| #5 | Kitchen | +0.01 | 46 | 59 |





