








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 20 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
758 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,421 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 571 | 24% |
| Smokes | 671 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 570 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 609 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $110,354 of utility $52 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Tjackpankakan | 54% | 26 |
| #7 | Gwyll | 50% | 16 |
| #8 | jazz | 50% | 18 |
| #9 | Nick | 39% | 18 |
| #10 | KevynShalaxe | 22% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gwyll | 9 | 0.0277 |
| #2 | Nick | 5 | 0.0130 |
| #3 | LetDown | 4 | 0.0063 |
| #4 | Fryceps | 4 | 0.0195 |
| #5 | T-J | 3 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | T-J | 241 | 0.19 | 5 min |
| #2 | Tjackpankakan | 85 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #3 | Fryceps | 40 | 0.20 | 1 min |
| #4 | LetDown | 39 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | jazz | 22 | 0.06 | 1 min |





