








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 737 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 359 matches | ||
| Faceit | 92 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 100 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2836 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 23,973 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5566 | 23% |
| Smokes | 6140 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 6225 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 6042 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,856,641 of utility $151 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1436 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nypi | 56% | 39 |
| #2 | KorpiSoturi | 56% | 41 |
| #3 | 🖤 battery acid enema 🖤 | 49% | 61 |
| #4 | Blobal Beagle | 48% | 157 |
| #5 | Scorbutus | 48% | 65 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blobal Beagle | 7 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | ☢♕Legend♕☢ | 4 | 0.0046 |
| #3 | Mulder | 4 | 0.0054 |
| #4 | nypi | 3 | 0.0034 |
| #5 | [fll.fi] ahis | 3 | 0.0046 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blobal Beagle | 487 | 0.15 | 11 min |
| #2 | KutaleKuiKhan | 272 | 0.25 | 8 min |
| #3 | Baitti | 196 | 0.27 | 5 min |
| #4 | KorpiSoturi | 145 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #5 | 🖤 battery acid enema 🖤 | 130 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mulder | +3.85 | 80 | 61 |
| #2 | KorpiSoturi | +2.57 | 50 | 65 |
| #3 | ☢♕Legend♕☢ | +2.48 | 63 | 55 |
| #4 | Scorbutus | +2.20 | 74 | 69 |
| #5 | [fll.fi] ahis | +2.16 | 60 | 72 |





