








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 321 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 171 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 41 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




45 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2396 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,146 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4608 | 41% |
| Smokes | 2343 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 1717 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 2478 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $437,026 of utility $81 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 433 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | »★« Pέ𝐏𝕣 » | 59% | 17 |
| #3 | stewiegriefn | 49% | 47 |
| #4 | Canfush | 48% | 62 |
| #5 | BUGS BUNNY | 47% | 156 |
| #6 | xyp9x dad | 44% | 203 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xyp9x dad | 19 | 0.0045 |
| #2 | Canfush | 14 | 0.0107 |
| #3 | BUGS BUNNY | 13 | 0.0040 |
| #4 | stewiegriefn | 6 | 0.0059 |
| #5 | »★« Pέ𝐏𝕣 » | 3 | 0.0080 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xyp9x dad | 1460 | 0.34 | 38 min |
| #2 | BUGS BUNNY | 348 | 0.11 | 8 min |
| #3 | stewiegriefn | 189 | 0.19 | 5 min |
| #4 | Canfush | 175 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #5 | »★« Pέ𝐏𝕣 » | 121 | 0.32 | 3 min |





