








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 10 matches | ||
| Premier | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
413 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,091 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1078 | 35% |
| Smokes | 566 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 739 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 708 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $98,659 of utility $62 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ian | 80% | 5 |
| #2 | fadetoblack | 57% | 7 |
| #3 | Globalik | 57% | 7 |
| #4 | Mike | 50% | 6 |
| #5 | Mr.PapaSmoke 🦄 | 47% | 62 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Jiffz | 33% | 9 |
| #9 | Dumpy El Cummy 🌪 | 33% | 12 |
| #10 | Columbo Kam | 17% | 12 |
| #11 | Rey | 0% | 5 |
| #12 | Louj. | 0% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr.PapaSmoke 🦄 | 2 | 0.0018 |
| #2 | Globalik | 2 | 2.0000 |
| #3 | Kinder Wayno | 1 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | Columbo Kam | 1 | 0.0039 |
| #5 | Louj. | 1 | 0.0078 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr.PapaSmoke 🦄 | 158 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #2 | Kinder Wayno | 83 | 0.23 | 2 min |
| #3 | Dumpy El Cummy 🌪 | 32 | 0.12 | 0 min |
| #4 | Louj. | 21 | 0.16 | 0 min |
| #5 | Jiffz | 19 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ian | +6.24 | 90 | 62 |
| #2 | Mike | +5.02 | 71 | 70 |
| #3 | Mr.PapaSmoke 🦄 | +2.75 | 63 | 64 |
| #4 | Dumpy El Cummy 🌪 | +2.61 | 49 | 54 |
| #5 | fadetoblack | +2.34 | 37 | 69 |





