








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 71 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 73 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
803 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,453 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 278 | 11% |
| Smokes | 378 | 15% |
| HE Grenades | 977 | 40% |
| Molotovs | 820 | 33% |
Our logs show you have wasted $90,323 of utility $29 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 25 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JD | 72% | 18 |
| #2 | DKMNTL | 70% | 10 |
| #3 | mimas | 70% | 10 |
| #4 | ♠Pourple♠ | 63% | 8 |
| #5 | sLg|Noumet | 62% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #21 | sLg|✪uestionmark | 42% | 12 |
| #22 | sLg|LucKeR | 42% | 24 |
| #23 | sLg|FiRE | 39% | 36 |
| #24 | Diva | 36% | 14 |
| #25 | sLg|rAzEr | 33% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sLg|Noumet | 4 | 0.0103 |
| #2 | Jon4s | 3 | 0.0076 |
| #3 | Rantanplan | 2 | 0.0070 |
| #4 | C1rus.de | 1 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | des Todes | 1 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JD | 82 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| #2 | Schriis | 73 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #3 | C1rus.de | 68 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #4 | LiZa | 50 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | Jon4s | 48 | 0.12 | 1 min |





