








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 4 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 17 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
411 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,058 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 205 | 19% |
| Smokes | 234 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 369 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 250 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $138,135 of utility $148 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mrperson | 80% | 5 |
| #2 | Remlina | 75% | 16 |
| #3 | Choccy Milk | 61% | 38 |
| #4 | Zithic | 59% | 27 |
| #5 | Slipper | 58% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Choccy Milk | 11 | 0.0152 |
| #2 | Zithic | 8 | 0.0146 |
| #3 | Slipper | 6 | 0.0174 |
| #4 | Remlina | 6 | 0.0181 |
| #5 | fapkin | 1 | 0.0114 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Choccy Milk | 152 | 0.21 | 3 min |
| #2 | Zithic | 98 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #3 | Slipper | 50 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #4 | fapkin | 21 | 0.24 | 0 min |
| #5 | Remlina | 19 | 0.06 | 0 min |





