








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 378 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 10 matches | ||
| Premier | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Renown | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 29 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1425 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,585 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1148 | 32% |
| Smokes | 909 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 670 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 858 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $489,212 of utility $169 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 111 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | ButtSmash | 48% | 126 |
| #5 | PM9 | 46% | 13 |
| #6 | Like Mike | 44% | 16 |
| #7 | Шмърколака | 38% | 16 |
| #8 | Herr Flick | 13% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ButtSmash | 9 | 0.0037 |
| #2 | Hornswoggle | 6 | 0.0146 |
| #3 | Шмърколака | 2 | 0.0063 |
| #4 | Herr Flick | 1 | 0.0063 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ButtSmash | 285 | 0.12 | 7 min |
| #2 | hôr$t | 186 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #3 | PM9 | 47 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| #4 | Hornswoggle | 46 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #5 | Like Mike | 29 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hornswoggle | +1.71 | 58 | 48 |
| #2 | James Bond | +1.71 | 51 | 54 |
| #3 | Шмърколака | +0.90 | 34 | 38 |
| #4 | PM9 | -0.49 | 56 | 56 |
| #5 | Herr Flick | -1.52 | 45 | 25 |





