










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 126 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
698 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,459 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 419 | 29% |
| Smokes | 624 | 43% |
| HE Grenades | 340 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 76 | 5% |
Our logs show you have wasted $185,684 of utility $96 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 55 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PM9 | 50% | 6 |
| #2 | Wakey | 50% | 12 |
| #3 | hôr$t | 45% | 49 |
| #4 | ButtSmash | 43% | 69 |
| #5 | Like Mike | 43% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Like Mike | 43% | 7 |
| #6 | Hornswoggle | 43% | 21 |
| #7 | Herr Flick | 41% | 17 |
| #8 | James Bond | 38% | 16 |
| #9 | SaltySaltySalt | 29% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ButtSmash | 6 | 0.0043 |
| #2 | Hornswoggle | 4 | 0.0106 |
| #3 | Herr Flick | 2 | 0.0055 |
| #4 | hôr$t | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | PM9 | 1 | 0.0093 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ButtSmash | 188 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #2 | hôr$t | 120 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #3 | Hornswoggle | 47 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #4 | James Bond | 29 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | Wakey | 17 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hornswoggle | +2.88 | 60 | 49 |
| #2 | PM9 | +1.23 | 40 | 63 |
| #3 | Wakey | +1.19 | 42 | 49 |
| #4 | Шмърколака | +0.46 | 43 | 38 |
| #5 | James Bond | +0.36 | 50 | 46 |





