








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 78 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 145 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 25 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1642 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,238 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1988 | 38% |
| Smokes | 1783 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 586 | 11% |
| Molotovs | 881 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $587,602 of utility $133 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 21 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stalagmite | 62% | 26 |
| #2 | HotBeef | 56% | 43 |
| #3 | mr beast burger (beast style) | 51% | 156 |
| #4 | DiprivanDreamz | 50% | 12 |
| #5 | +caboose | 43% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stalagmite | 62% | 26 |
| #2 | HotBeef | 56% | 43 |
| #3 | mr beast burger (beast style) | 51% | 156 |
| #4 | DiprivanDreamz | 50% | 12 |
| #5 | +caboose | 43% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mr beast burger (beast style) | 2 | 0.0006 |
| #2 | HotBeef | 2 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mr beast burger (beast style) | 889 | 0.26 | 19 min |
| #2 | HotBeef | 106 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #3 | +caboose | 96 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #4 | DiprivanDreamz | 28 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #5 | Stalagmite | 25 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mr beast burger (beast style) | +0.58 | 62 | 60 |
| #2 | HotBeef | +0.56 | 56 | 62 |
| #3 | Poor | -0.13 | 74 | 61 |
| #4 | Stalagmite | -0.91 | 50 | 37 |
| #5 | DiprivanDreamz | -1.45 | 58 | 69 |





