








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 554 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 10 matches | ||
| Faceit | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 44 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




62 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3357 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,040 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1699 | 24% |
| Smokes | 1917 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1773 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 1651 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $948,750 of utility $165 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 551 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | METHOD | 63% | 38 |
| #2 | 60hz demon | 63% | 43 |
| #3 | Heavy Stimmy Operator | 61% | 23 |
| #4 | blackfire | 60% | 42 |
| #5 | Dr. Maksts | 58% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cadillaq | 12 | 0.0119 |
| #2 | rx | 7 | 0.0051 |
| #3 | METHOD | 4 | 0.0052 |
| #4 | maybe エゴ犬を落とす | 2 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | blackfire | 2 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cadillaq | 211 | 0.21 | 6 min |
| #2 | maybe エゴ犬を落とす | 147 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #3 | blackfire | 102 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #4 | jez2G | 96 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #5 | METHOD | 96 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Динамит | +3.21 | 72 | 56 |
| #2 | METHOD | +2.92 | 81 | 63 |
| #3 | Heavy Stimmy Operator | +1.95 | 71 | 60 |
| #4 | cadillaq | +1.48 | 74 | 67 |
| #5 | maybe エゴ犬を落とす | +0.95 | 62 | 70 |





