








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 663 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 254 matches | ||
| Wingman | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 21 different maps





Our logs show 38 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




27 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3097 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,438 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2119 | 19% |
| Smokes | 1813 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 4385 | 38% |
| Molotovs | 3121 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $816,853 of utility $107 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 601 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MEEEEEEPHISTO | 56% | 27 |
| #2 | Joseph Starving | 49% | 292 |
| #3 | The Purple Pony | 45% | 133 |
| #4 | begin111 | 44% | 36 |
| #5 | Timmeh | 41% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | The Purple Pony | 45% | 133 |
| #4 | begin111 | 44% | 36 |
| #5 | Timmeh | 41% | 27 |
| #6 | Ryzz | 37% | 27 |
| #7 | Becky with a K | 37% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Joseph Starving | 56 | 0.0092 |
| #2 | The Purple Pony | 33 | 0.0115 |
| #3 | Ryzz | 6 | 0.0110 |
| #4 | Timmeh | 5 | 0.0090 |
| #5 | Becky with a K | 2 | 0.0047 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Joseph Starving | 698 | 0.11 | 20 min |
| #2 | The Purple Pony | 516 | 0.18 | 13 min |
| #3 | begin111 | 101 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #4 | MEEEEEEPHISTO | 63 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #5 | Timmeh | 49 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Joseph Starving | +1.34 | 54 | 66 |
| #2 | Lucky4Noobs | +0.93 | 61 | 61 |
| #3 | The Purple Pony | -0.36 | 34 | 67 |
| #4 | MEEEEEEPHISTO | -0.39 | 36 | 66 |
| #5 | begin111 | -1.78 | 19 | 64 |





