








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 992 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 252 matches | ||
| Faceit | 114 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 96 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5327 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,614 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3395 | 23% |
| Smokes | 4581 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 3586 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 3052 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,926,174 of utility $177 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 254 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Uabom | 57% | 317 |
| #2 | Heiße Biene 3 | 55% | 161 |
| #3 | Slinky Dog | 55% | 44 |
| #4 | 「❀ony」🎀🌺 | 52% | 102 |
| #5 | legovogel | 52% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | HankTheHonk | 47% | 30 |
| #8 | wilfred | 47% | 103 |
| #9 | Harald_Toepfer | 46% | 70 |
| #10 | sh33pish | 43% | 70 |
| #11 | elmosfire | 31% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 「❀ony」🎀🌺 | 10 | 0.0045 |
| #2 | Uabom | 6 | 0.0009 |
| #3 | Heiße Biene 3 | 4 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | vexx | 3 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | Harald_Toepfer | 3 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Uabom | 853 | 0.13 | 19 min |
| #2 | Heiße Biene 3 | 579 | 0.17 | 16 min |
| #3 | 「❀ony」🎀🌺 | 266 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #4 | vexx | 224 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| #5 | wilfred | 188 | 0.08 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | richtigsauer | +2.04 | 76 | 60 |
| #2 | Uabom | +1.10 | 70 | 64 |
| #3 | legovogel | +0.84 | 77 | 63 |
| #4 | 「❀ony」🎀🌺 | +0.31 | 74 | 59 |
| #5 | Heiße Biene 3 | -0.42 | 54 | 74 |





