








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1 achievement has been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 105 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
843 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,586 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 126 | 8% |
| Smokes | 175 | 11% |
| HE Grenades | 552 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 733 | 46% |
Our logs show you have wasted $449,363 of utility $175 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | shurda | 50% | 40 |
| #6 | retz | 49% | 59 |
| #7 | sebreeze1111 | 44% | 9 |
| #8 | Zeri(o)X | 43% | 7 |
| #9 | p0hjan | 43% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | retz | 3 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | shurda | 2 | 0.0024 |
| #3 | Exela | 2 | 0.0048 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | retz | 144 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #2 | shurda | 69 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #3 | Strillee | 66 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #4 | Exela | 53 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #5 | hOAKEEEEEEE | 37 | 0.14 | 1 min |





