








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 47 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 85 matches | ||
| Premier | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2484 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,817 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2535 | 23% |
| Smokes | 2488 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 3087 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 2707 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $401,747 of utility $82 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 22 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dark | 78% | 37 |
| #2 | Kiko | 73% | 129 |
| #3 | 13* | 71% | 49 |
| #4 | meb | 71% | 17 |
| #5 | MPR | 68% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | buffoon | 17 | 0.0057 |
| #2 | Kiko | 2 | 0.0007 |
| #3 | Kayzen "DJ8" | 2 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | 13* | 2 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | Dark | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | buffoon | 522 | 0.17 | 12 min |
| #2 | Kiko | 387 | 0.14 | 8 min |
| #3 | Kayzen "DJ8" | 308 | 0.17 | 8 min |
| #4 | Dark | 82 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #5 | meb | 82 | 0.23 | 2 min |





