








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 15 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank |
|---|
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 5 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
39 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 44 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 39 | 89% |
| Smokes | 2 | 5% |
| HE Grenades | 1 | 2% |
| Molotovs | 2 | 5% |
Our logs show you have wasted $400 of utility $3 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dodos Füße muchten | 0% | 2 |
| #2 | El Tarantufrett | 0% | 2 |
| #3 | Sheriff Glonk Long Sapog | 0% | 3 |
| #4 | SUTNEV aka. VENTUS für arme | 0% | 7 |
| #5 | Teekannenberbermann mit EZ | 0% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dodos Füße muchten | 0% | 2 |
| #2 | El Tarantufrett | 0% | 2 |
| #3 | Sheriff Glonk Long Sapog | 0% | 3 |
| #4 | SUTNEV aka. VENTUS für arme | 0% | 7 |
| #5 | Teekannenberbermann mit EZ | 0% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Teekannenberbermann mit EZ | 4 | 0.0268 |
| #2 | Sheriff Glonk Long Sapog | 1 | 0.0227 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dodos Füße muchten | 13 | 0.30 | 0 min |
| #2 | Teekannenberbermann mit EZ | 10 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| #3 | SUTNEV aka. VENTUS für arme | 4 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| #4 | El Tarantufrett | 4 | 0.14 | 0 min |
| #5 | Sheriff Glonk Long Sapog | 3 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dodos Füße muchten | +0.08 | 75 | 45 |
| #2 | MorWest [ger] | -2.05 | 21 | 5 |
| #3 | Sheriff Glonk Long Sapog | -3.66 | 19 | 2 |
| #4 | Teekannenberbermann mit EZ | -4.39 | 25 | 32 |
| #5 | SUTNEV aka. VENTUS für arme | -5.44 | 34 | 19 |





